


Young and Beautiful (Will You Still Love Me?)

by autumndark



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, First Love, M/M, Slow Burn, age difference - but with a twist so not really?, jihoon is kuanlin's childhood babysitter, time travelling/benjamin button AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-02-27 20:19:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13255863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumndark/pseuds/autumndark
Summary: Park Jihoon is a fond memory that Kuanlin will take out from the bottom of his heart and think about from time to time but that’s all that he is.It’s been eight years since Lai Kuanlin has last seen Park Jihoon yet there he stands. Jihoon looks different than he does through the television screen. He almost looks like the Jihoon from Kuanlin’s childhood.Almost as if he hasn’t aged at all.





	1. Darling, I’d Know That Face Anywhere

_“will you still love me  
when i’m no longer  
young and beautiful”_

lana del rey

   
  


  
Moving into university is like moving to a new country, Kuanlin thinks as he unloads his last set of boxes onto the floor. 

He stands and surveys what will be his new home for the next few years. New people, new places, new opportunities. It almost reminds of how he felt when he first moved here from Taiwan as a little boy, all those years ago. A little lost, a little lonely. Except this time he’s not quite so alone.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe how many trips that took!” A voice exclaims from behind before a loud thud echoes across the room, shaking the boxes Kuanlin had stacked precariously. 

This time he has his best friend with him. A certain Yoo Seonho who has been by his side through all of his awkward high school years. They had bonded once on the first day of the first year of high school as the only two _“lost baby chicks”_ (Seonho’s words, not his) in the cafeteria, and then once again when they realised that they were the two tallest 12 year olds in the whole grade.

Kuanlin reaches a hand out to steady the boxes before addressing the other boy. “That’s because you brought so much unnecessary stuff, Seonho. Didn’t your mom tell you to only bring what you needed?”

Seonho peers up at him from where he lays sprawled out over one of the boxes. “But I did bring only essentials! It’s just that my mom told me to make sure I brought enough clothing and kitchenware after I’d already filled up all my boxes so I had to add more.”

When you go through all six years of high school with someone, you get to know them pretty well. The thing about Yoo Seonho is that his definition of essential is probably looser than that of most people’s. Most people includes Kuanlin.

“I feel like you could have downsized by at least 2 boxes.” Kuanlin deadpans. 

Seonho picks himself up and straightens his glasses. “Think of it as planning in advance. If we didn’t spend time hauling everything in now, we’d still have to carry everything back from the supermarket at some point.”

Their dorm is situated right beside the university campus which means that convenience store goods, toiletries, and stationery items are all accessible within a short walk. The nearest supermarket however, with their delicatessen cheese and wide range of cereals, is not quite so convenient.

Sighing deeply, Kuanlin rakes a pale hand through his hair. It feels sticky with sweat from the multiple trips up and down that they’ve made. 

“Tell me I didn’t just spend forty minutes carrying in food.”

The smile Seonho sends him makes him look like an 8 year old kid inhabiting an 18 year old body. 

“Okay, then I won’t tell you."

 

  
\---

 

 

The first semester of university flies by quicker than expected. Being a “cool college kid” is both everything and nothing like Kuanlin had expected.

Kuanlin has a groupchat with his old highschool friends to keep in touch with them but everyone seems so busy that they’ve only met up once since university started. He skypes his parents regularly but it still feels weird to be living as a (mostly) self-sufficient adult. He has enough freedom to do anything he wants yet somehow he and Seonho spend most of their nights chilling in their dorm nitpicking trash tv shows rather than going out and partying.

(“I can’t believe she didn’t make it into the final line-up.” Seonho grumbles around his rice cracker. “She’s so talented.”

“Shocking.” Kuanlin replies from across the room, sprawled out on the couch. It’s a nice couch that allows either of them to lie on it and not have to fold their legs in half. Kuanlin had fought Seonho to let him buy it and wrangle it into their (too-small) living area.

“You don’t sound shocked at all,” muses Seonho.

“You can tell from the way that they edited the last episode.” Kuanlin rolls over and relishes in the fact that he can actually stretch out on this couch, _thank you very much Yoo Seonho_. “That other girl she’s up against; there’s no way the public wouldn’t vote for her.”)

On the other hand, he’s made a lot of great friends. Through his classes, he’s met Lee Daehwi, an exhuberant and highly social kid who somehow manages to stay in good graces with all of their professors and tutors (“The teachers love me because I greet them with a wink and smile!” he chirps). Along with a quieter boy named Bae Jinyoung who is seemingly shy until you get to know him and learn that he’s actually surprisingly snarky and more spontaneous than he lets on (if that impromptu parasailing trip he’d roped Kuanlin into joining is anything to go by). 

There’s also Park Woojin who is a year ahead but shares an elective (Introduction to Material Engineering, the most boring of all the engineering subjects in everyone’s opinions except for Woojin) with Kuanlin. Kuanlin’s first impression of Woojin was that the Busan student was even more quiet than Jinyoung until that fantasy was rudely shattered by Woojin screaming loudly in the night after a _possible_ bee sighting. The truth is that Park Woojin can even outtalk Lee Daehwi on a good day.

Amidst all of the chaos that comes with being a university freshman, there is at least one thing that Kuanlin is pleased to say that he had predicted right; living with Yoo Seonho is like living with a highly affectionate and always ravenous puppy.

 

  
\---

 

 

Nightly dinner gatherings in the campus cafeteria have become a regular occurrance for over a year now ever since their little first-year group (plus Woojin) attended the Engineering department’s annual ball only to ditch within the first 30 minutes and come here instead.

“Have you handed in that assignment for Prof. Yang’s class yet?” Daehwi asks, biting into his sandwich. Kuanlin notes that this is the third time this week that Daehwi has opted for the Italian ham sandwich. Perhaps Kuanlin should try it sometime.

Jinyoung responds by taking off the cover on his extra large double-shot coffee, letting the smell of caffeine permeate the air, and chugging half of it one go.

“I’m guessing that’s a no.” Kuanlin chuckles. Jinyoung’s nose twitches slightly but Kuanlin can’t tell if it is because his guess was right or it’s an after-effect of ingesting liquified coffee beans.

“You wouldn’t have such bad dark circles if you didn’t always wait until the night before to actually start writing!” Daehwi chides, one hand gesturing vaguely at Jinyoung’s face.

“I don’t wait until the last minute,” defends Jinyoung, scrunching up his already small face. “Yang is just a really harsh marker and I can’t figure out what he wants."

Daehwi lifts a hand dismissively and returns to his sandwich. “Eh, he’s not that bad.”

“That’s because he likes you but hates the rest of us.” Jinyoung counters.

“Sounds like someone’s jealous.” Daehwi says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“He really is that bad,” mutters Kuanlin at the same time that Woojin returns from the bathroom.

“Are we talking about Yang? Oh my god, I hated him.” Woojin blurts out in true Woojin fashion.

“Not so loud! People might hear!” Squeaks Daehwi as he gestures to the mostly deserted cafeteria.

Woojin waves him off. “It’s 9pm, no one cares.”

“And anyway, didn’t he hate you because you did something weird.” Daehwi squints accusatorily.

It’s no surprise that Daehwi has the dirt on Woojin. Lee Daehwi has the dirt on everyone. No one quite knows how, it must have something to do with his aggressively social personaility.

“Oh, what’s this?” Kuanlin asks as Jinyoung perks up and both of them stare expectantly at Woojin.

“I. What. How did you even find out about that?” Woojin splutters.

Daehwi preens. “I have my connections.”

“Listen-“ Woojin starts, voice cracking awkwardly. “Listen. He was a dick to me first so I just, changed some files on the computer in the lecture hall. No one can prove it was me!”

“Saying ‘no one can prove it was me’ is proof enough.” Jinyoung whispers under his breath.

   
  


“Kids, kids, settle down.” A new voice announces in what is clearly intended to be a patronising tone.

All of them turn to look at the newcomers, including Seonho who has finally taken his attention off of his phone where he has been re-watching scenes of his new favourite drama. Kuanlin makes a note to tease him about his fanboy-crush on the lead actor later.

The owner of the voice stands behind them trying to look imposing except it fails because he is none other than their block’s RA Kim Jaehwan.

(The block has divided opinions on Kim Jaehwan. Half of the students think he gets a free pass for violating acceptable noise levels due to his lovely singing covers. The other half thinks that anyone who laughs that loudly and that psychotically shouldn’t be allowed to enforce the rules.)

Accompanying him is their other RA Kang Daniel, who had introduced himself to Kuanlin and Seonho on their first week as their “friendly, neighbourhood RA” and then proceeded to make Spiderman actions with his hands. His clothes always appear to be covered in cat hair even though no pets are allowed in the dorms.

(The block positively loves Kang Daniel.)

“Hey kids! Are you having fun?” Daniel asks, gummy smile on full display. “We’re here to invite you to our annual block party this Friday!”

“A party?” Daehwi inquires as he leans forward attentively.

“Yup, it’s always a good time.” Jaehwan fires back, winking and making finger guns.

The others must look a bit apprehensive because Daniel continues, “It’s not like too rowdy or anything. More like a social gathering of friends?” He then goes on to contradict himself, "Except anything with this one is always wild,” as he points a thumb at Jaehwan.

“Heck yeah!” Jaehwan shouts and the two of them high-five each other.

“Anyway,” he continues, “just come along, make some new friends, get some free food.” Several members of the table perk up at the mention of free food. "Have a generally good time.”

“We’ll be there!” Daehwi pipes up on behalf of the table.

 

  
\---

 

 

Back in their dorm, Seonho and Kuanlin are lounging on the couch watching a new show about young high school kids who are trying to become successful rappers (definitely in-line with Kuanlin’s interests) since the previous show they were watching had finished. 

“So,” Seonho smiles around his mug of hot chocolate (how Seonho eats so much and doesn’t gain weight is a mystery to Kuanlin), “are you thinking of going to the party?”

Kuanlin hums and slouches further down into his hoodie. “I guess so? I don’t really have any assignments I need to work on.”

Kuanlin supposes that most college students spend more time partying and socialising than doing assignments but he’s always been more of the opposite, at least on the partying front. Socialising is okay. The majority of his friends seems to think the same way at least. 

Besides, he likes his course and major. Most of the time. Civil engineering is great until you have to sit through a 3 hours lecture on the material properties of concrete.

“It might be a good chance to meet someone,” muses Seonho. “You haven’t been in a relationship since high school right?”

“No. I don’t know, no one really catches my eye,” admits Kuanlin.

Seonho taps a finger on his chin. “Dongbin, right? You and him dated for like 4 months and then broke up like it was nothing.” 

Actually, he and Dongbin were fast friends in their last year of high school. Neither of them had ever been in a relationship and they had decided that it would be a fun experience to try once before graduating. It was more Dongbin’s idea than Kuanlin’s but he didn’t mind going along for the ride. The transition from friends to boyfriends was awkward. The transition back to friends was a relief on both parts.

“We realised we were better off as friends.” Kuanlin replies. “I don’t think it could even really be counted as a relationship?”

“But you don’t even have a crush on anyone in your classes?” Seonho asks curiously. “Have you even had a crush before?”

Kuanlin laughs, “What are you even talking about, you know I have. I’ve told you?”

“Ohh, right.” Seonho giggles.

Back in high school, Seonho had asked him if he’d ever had a crush on anyone during an embarrassing game of truth or dare at a friend’s 15th birthday party. Kuanlin had revealed that he’d had a puppy crush on his older babysitter when he was younger - a cherub-faced boy by the name of Park Jihoon. Seonho had asked him the same question again the next year and Kuanlin had said he had a crush on their upperclassman Wooseok instead.

“Yeah.” Kuanlin glares jokingly. “Don’t embarrass me in public and then have the audacity to forget about it.”

“I’ll make sure to always remember your most embarrassing moments in the future.” Quips Seonho. The retort is made to appear more savage by the backing track of “ohhhh”s from the TV as one kid spits out a hot rap during the cypher round.

“At least I’m not like you, getting a new crush once a week.” Kuanlin stares pointedly in Seonho’s direction. “Speaking of embarrassing moments, I saw you gushing over that actor on your phone during dinner again. Hwa Minhyung was it?”

“It’s Hwang Minhyun,” says Seonho proudly, “and he’s literally perfect. Oh my gosh, we mere mortals are not worthy.”

 

  
\---

 

 

The party comes and goes but Kuanlin doesn't end up meeting anyone. He’s walking back to the dorm with Seonho, who conversely has ended up with yet another new number from an upperclassman.

“Why does it feel like you’re always getting numbers from older guys.” Kuanlin says nudging his hands into his pockets. It’s not exactly cold at night during this time of year but it’s still a brusque chill that makes Kuanlin want to hurry home.

“This guy was pretty cute but I swear Hwang Minhyun has ruined me.” Seonho claims dramatically. “How can I settle for less when I know that perfection exists out there?”

Kuanlin tunes Seonho’s rambling out. It’s not the first time he’s had to listen to this speech this week. 

He’s absentmindedly watching his breath come out in puffs of white air when he notices another student standing under a streetlamp checking his phone. The light brightens up his hair in a brown halo and his screen illuminates his face enough that Kuanlin can just make out his features.

But that can’t be right, can it? Kuanlin squints.

Kuanlin doesn’t notice that he has stopped walking until Seonho turns around and looks at him.

“Why’d you stop?”

There are a lot of people in the world. Surely this person must just look like who he’s thinking of.

“I thought I saw someone…” Kuanlin starts apprehensively. “That I shouldn’t be seeing?”

Seonho sends him a look. “Did you drink too much? You’re talking like you’ve seen a ghost."

_A ghost of the past maybe._

“No, I only drank one glass.”

“Maybe there was something in the punch?” Seonho questions and hops on the spot lightly. “Ahh, it’s cold. I should’ve brought a jacket.”

“Nevermind. I’m sure it was someone else.” Kuanlin dismisses with a shake of his head. "Let’s just head back."

 

  
\---

 

 

Afterwards Kuanlin rationalizes the event as a by-product of not enough sleep and the alcohol hitting harder than expected. Maybe just a touch of wishful thinking as well following all that crush-talk with Seonho dredging up old memories.

Park Jihoon is a fond memory that Kuanlin will take out from the bottom of his heart and think about from time to time but that’s all that he is. 

It’s been too long and too much has happened for it to be his Jihoon anymore.

Kuanlin’s not the same small boy that he was back then either.

Whose heart would beat faster whenever the older boy would smile at him and hold his hand.

Who knew that he and Jihoon would never be able to amount to anything.

Who loved Jihoon innocently and purely with all of his little heart.

That’s not his Jihoon.

_Right?_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts:
> 
> 1\. “cool college kid” is a reference to “swaggy rapper”  
> 2\. the shows that Kuanlin and Seonho are watching are Produce 101 Season 1 and High School Rapper  
> 3\. Prof. Yang is actually… Yang Hyunsuk because I’m still mad at him about Mix 9  
> 4\. the reason why Kang Daniel is always covered in cat hair is exactly the reason you’re thinking of


	2. A Fond Memory at the Bottom of my Heart (Interlude)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw i would like preface this by clarifying that jihoon views kuanlin as a cute kid / little brother the entire time. kuanlin’s puppy crush is one-sided since he is too young for jihoon atm. things will change when kuanlin grows up though!

_“like lullabies you are forever in my mind_  
_i see you in all the pieces of my life_  
_though you weren't mine_  
_you were my first love”_  


yuna

  
  
  


When Lai Kuanlin is 7 years old, his parents tell him that his short life in Taiwan has come to an abrupt end and that they will be moving to South Korea. He spends three days crying and three nights kicking his little feet into his blankets in child-like frustration. 

Eventually, he calms down enough to start to wonder what South Korea would be like. His dad tells him that it’s a good place to work, and when Kuanlin shows little response, adds on that the internet speeds are amazing. His mom mentions that he’ll like the food once he  gets used to it and that the fried chicken in Korea is really popular, just like the Taiwanese chicken chops that Kuanlin is so fond of. The internet tells him that Korea has really cool singers like TVXQ and that the Korean language has letters that look like little squares.

At school his friends are excited for him but also say that they’ll miss him. His best friend mentions that her family went to South Korea last year during winter and that it was very cold, so he should bundle up. 

The day before Kuanlin leaves his classmates throw him a going-away party, complete with sugary treats that make the kids excitable and makes his homeroom teacher sigh fondly in exasperation.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The plane ride to Korea is short but feels like it drags on even longer than that one time Kuanlin’s family visited relatives in Los Angeles. When he complains to his mom, she pats his head and tells him that he had slept through most of the plane ride the first time and that it will go faster if he does.

Kuanlin is too excited to go to sleep. The heavy, metal seatbelt around his waist is the only thing keeping him from fidgeting off his seat and scrambling out into the aisle.

“Here,” his dad pipes up as he leans over from his other side and passes Kuanlin a tablet. “Want to try watching this Korean cartoon?  You might pick up something.”

Kuanlin looks down at the screen as he plugs in his headphones. There’s a brightly-coloured assortment of animals dancing around cheerfully.

By the time the pilot announces that the plane will begin landing, Kuanlin has gone through the entire playlist of the cartoon and still feels like he hasn’t learnt much. He has, however, picked up on one phrase.

_“Wah! Pororo da!”_ Kuanlin exclaims when his mother checks that his seatbelt is still on properly.

“Oh?” She chuckles. “What does that mean?”

Kuanlin replies despondently. “I don’t know.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Once they have settled in Korea, Kuanlin’s parents get increasingly busier with their work.

“Sorry, honey.” His mom says, stroking her fingers through his hair. “It’s only going to be like this for a little while.”

“It’ll get better soon.” His dad says, patting his head.

It doesn’t get any better. Each day after school ends, Kuanlin entertains himself with his own devices; watching Korean cartoons (the first cartoon that he watched with the orange and blue penguin is called Pororo, he finds out), and listening to Korean music (he particularly likes the way rap sounds in Korean).

As a result, what does get better is his Korean comprehension instead.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Several weeks later, Kuanlin’s parents call him downstairs again after dinner. 

He’s already changed into his sleeping pajamas, a soft flannelette set decorated with tiny, yellow chicks. He also has on his matching yellow slippers that always seem to get caught on the last step of the staircase. 

Tonight is no exception. Kuanlin stumbles on that tricky bottom step and anticipates crashing (softly) into the sofa like usual but instead warm arms catch him and hold him upright. The arms don’t belong to either of his parents and when Kuanlin looks up he doesn’t recognize the face that stares back at him.

It belongs to an older boy with clear eyes that appear to sparkle. A kind smile adorns his face as he chides softly, “Easy there. You should be careful on those steps.”

“Kuanlin, this is your new babysitter.” His father introduces from behind. “He’s going to keep you company and take care of you after school."

The other boy lets go of Kuanlin and steps back a little. “Hi. My name is Park Jihoon.” Jihoon waves awkwardly before continuing. “How old are you? Can you count in Korean yet? I’m 15!”

Kuanlin puffs up his chest and states proudly “I’m 7 years old!”

Jihoon bends down so he can meet Kuanlin’s eyes and exclaims, “Wow, you’re so big! Soon enough you’ll be as big as me!” Kuanlin decides then that Jihoon has a nice face and funny expressions.

“Does that mean you’ll play with me everyday?” The child asks.

“Yes!” Jihoon replies with a laugh, “You can call me _hyung_ from now on."

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuanlin is excited to come home from school today because his _Jihoon-hyung_ has promised to take him out to visit the carnival that set up in the city centre last week.

As soon as the teacher dismisses them, Kuanlin is packing his bag and scurrying out the door before the last bell finishes ringing. He can see Jihoon waiting at the front gate to pick him up. Since the weather is pleasant today, Jihoon is only wearing his school shirt and pants; his usual garish, yellow blazer is hanging off of his arm.

“Hey Kuanlinnie!” Jihoon greets when the boy rushes over to him. “I knew you’d be excited for today so I snuck out a little earlier.” He explains with a mischievous smile. 

Both Jihoon’s high school and Kuanlin’s elementary school are situated on the same street. Kuanlin peers past him and can see a wave of older kids in yellow coming out of the building and onto the road.

“You ready to go?” Jihoon asks as he straightens Kuanlin’s collar before grabbing the younger boy’s hand in his. Somehow Jihoon’s hand always feels warm and soft and Kuanlin really likes holding hands with Jihoon.

The younger boy smiles widely. “Yes! Let’s go, let’s go!” 

Kuanlin waves bye to his classmates and skips his way out of the schoolyard. He swings his hand with Jihoon’s as he tells him all the things he wants to do. 

"I wanna ride the rollercoaster and eat lots of snacks and visit the haunted house.” 

“Oh, really? You like the haunted house? I thought you didn’t like scary things.” Jihoon comments.

"Sanha told me he went with his older sister and it was really funny.” The younger boy says. He then puffs his chest up and stands a bit staighter. “Also I’m 8 years old now. I’m a big boy and I’m not scared of anything.”

“Ah, I see. So does that mean you can walk all by yourself then?” Jihoon asks and lets go of the hand holding Kuanlin’s.

“Noooo! Jihoon-hyuuuung!” Kuanlin pouts and glares balefully up at the older boy.

“Ahh I’m sorry, I was just teasing you.” Jihoon squishes the little boy’s face in his hands (muttering _“so cute”_ ) and links hands with him again.

The carnival is fun and exciting. Kuanlin gets to ride everything once and Jihoon wins him a little, stuffed toy penguin at the shooting gallery. They try out an assortment of snacks (Kuanlin isn’t actually supposed to eat too much junk food but Jihoon can’t help himself and wants to taste everything), and visit the haunted house (it’s a little scary but not too bad, Kuanlin clings to Jihoon the entire time).

Overall, it’s a good day for Kuanlin.

  
  
  
  
  
  


In his room, Kuanlin’s schoolbooks are sitting neatly on his table unlike Jihoon’s pile of textbooks and manhwa collection that he has left callously dumped by his schoolbag, loose papers scattered on the floor. The stuffed penguin is perched happily between Kuanlin’s lamp and tissue box.

Although Kuanlin is 9 years old now, he still likes it when Jihoon helps him with his Korean homework.

“Your Korean is so good now.” Jihoon comments, flipping through Kuanlin’s exercise book. “Are you sure you even need my help anymore?”

“Of course!” Kuanlin pouts, fiddling with his Pororo pen. “Chenle is getting better than me. He keeps using words I don’t understand.”

Last year, a Chinese student named Chenle transferred into Kuanlin’s class. He and Chenle became friends quickly when Kuanlin helped explain something he didn’t understand. 

“Chenle is a monster. Yesterday, he was telling me his business plans for after he becomes a CEO.” Jihoon comments. “I’m 17 and I can’t relate.”

“What’s a CEO?” Kuanlin asks.

“It’s like the big boss of a company. They have to work really hard, like your Dad.” Jihoon explains, biting idly on the end of his pen. 

Jihoon likes to use glitter pens that sparkle in the light when Kuanlin tilts the paper. A couple of Jihoon’s pens have made it into Kuanlin’s pencil pot.

“That sounds complicated.”

“You’ll understand when you’re older. Don’t worry, you have plenty of time.” Jihoon says, patting Kuanlin’s head.

Kuanlin hums. He likes it when Jihoon pats his head or runs his fingers through his hair. Jihoon usually only does that if Kuanlin needles him into cuddling with him when he’s feeling sleepy.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The two of them are in the kitchen at Kuanlin’s house after school. 

Kuanlin watches Jihoon as he stands in front of the stove. The older boy is cooking ramyeon again since it’s apparently the only thing he can cook besides cutting fruit - even cracking eggs are a struggle.

He’s making normal ramyeon this time since last week he had attempted to get Kuanlin to eat this super spicy, volcano ramyeon that Jihoon has been obsessed with all month. The older boy likes to try and dare Kuanlin into eating weird things but now Kuanlin has learnt his ways and just flees the room when Jihoon does this.

“It’ll be done soon. Do you wanna help?” Jihoon asks, stepping away from the stove.

“I wanna help!” Kuanlin says as he tries to peer into the pot.

“Okay, just stir the noodles around so it doesn’t stick. Be very careful, alright? It’s hot.” Jihoon warns and takes out a packet of kimchi from the fridge to cut up.

The edge of the pot is a little bit high so Kuanlin has to lift his elbow up to stir properly.

Jihoon starts singing quietly while he chops the kimchi. Ever since Jihoon got scouted by an acting company earlier this year, he’s been getting busier and busier, and although he still spends time with Kuanlin every weekday, he doesn’t stay for as long and gets distracted more often.

He thinks Jihoon will make a really cool actor. Kuanlin hopes Jihoon will remember him when he’s famous.

Perhaps Kuanlin should have been paying more attention to his task because a searing, hot pain races up his right arm.

“Ack!” Kuanlin screams and flails his arm away from the cooking pot.

Jihoon rushes over and takes Kuanlin’s arm in his hands. He sets down the wooden spoon Kuanlin was using and switches off the stove before whisking Kuanlin away to the bathroom. 

“Oh no, does it hurt a lot?” Jihoon asks as he holds the boy’s arm over the sink and runs cool water over the burn mark.

Kuanlin sniffs. It doesn’t actually hurt too bad but Kuanlin still feels like crying anyway. 

“Are you mad at me?”

Jihoon pats Kuanlin’s arm dry and takes out a little bottle from the cabinet. He starts spraying something on the wound. 

“Why would I be mad at you?” asks Jihoon.

“Because you told me to be careful.” Kuanlin replies quietly. The spray feels cool and his skin tingles where Jihoon applied it on. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it wasn’t your fault. It’s mine. I’m sorry too.” Jihoon says. His face is serious as he says this, looking down at Kuanlin’s arm. Kuanlin can see all of Jihoon’s eyelashes from this angle.

He startles when Jihoon suddenly looks up and makes eye contact. “Here,” Jihoon begins, lifting Kuanlin’s arm to his face. “I’ll give you a magic kiss that will take away the pain and make you all better.” He places a quick peck on the bottom of Kuanlin’s forearm, away from the burn and closer to his wrist.

Kuanlin is 10 years old and too old to believe in magical, healing kisses. Still, it feels like it takes away the pain and leaves him with a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Jihoon stops babysitting Kuanlin when he is 11 years old. He is about to graduate from primary school at the end of the year and is old enough now that he doesn’t need someone ‘older and more responsible’ to watch over him anymore. He’s got his own friends already, his Korean is almost completely fluent, and his parents are working less overtime now.

Although, the main reason why Jihoon gives up his part-time job as Kuanlin’s caretaker is because the acting agency that Jihoon is signed under is ready to debut him next year. They say they have big plans for him; that they are going to get him a role on this teen drama that is going to be the next big hit. 

Kuanlin doesn’t see much of Jihoon anymore. The older boy still comes round to visit sometimes, but those visits are rare and it’s not the same as before when they would spend every afternoon together. Additionally, Jihoon isn’t the type to text much so Kuanlin doesn’t know much about how the elder is doing, but if Kuanlin sends him a message first the other would always reply.

On the day of Kuanlin’s elementary school graduation, Jihoon shows up with Kuanlin’s parents and stands near the back of the hall. He claps for Sanha and Chenle, and throws up a hand sign while he cheers when it’s Kuanlin’s turn. Afterwards, he gives Kuanlin a customary, little, flower bouquet and hugs Kuanlin, spinning him around. 

“Hyung, you came!” Kuanlin squeaks. “Thanks for the flowers.”

“Of course I came. I said I would, didn’t I?” Jihoon says proudly. He looks different than the last time Kuanlin saw him. Jihoon is wearing a simple black mask that celebrities and idol trainees tend to wear, and his hair is a lighter shade of brown than it was before; an almost coppery colour.

“Come!” announces Kuanlin’s mother, “Let me take a photo of the two of you together.”

Jihoon bends down next to Kuanlin and puts his arm around him. Kuanlin has had a recent growth spurt and now he is taller than Jihoon when he crouches. 

“Smile!” says Kuanlin’s mother as she takes the picture.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kuanlin still has that photo of himself and Jihoon from his elementary school graduation.

Throughout his high school years, he had witnessed Jihoon’s transformation into an up-and-coming rookie actor. He had watched Jihoon through a computer screen as he had his first role in a major, network drama, sent Jihoon a congratulatory text, and even left positive comments and up-votes on his articles.

Kuanlin was there when Jihoon landed a key role in a movie and had his ‘breakthrough performance’ in the industry, and later when he acted alongside popular acting _sunbaes_ and trendy, new stars.

He had kept up-to-date with all of Jihoon’s activities, big and small appearances, and even diligently followed the fansites that the elder had.

At first, Jihoon would reply to all of Kuanlin’s messages eventually, even if some of his replies were slow and short-worded. As the years went by, Kuanlin’s texts were left unread and his calls would go to voicemail, and then eventually a recorded operator’s voice would tell him that _‘the number you have dialled is not in service’._

Jihoon appeared in fewer and fewer dramas, received smaller roles, and one by one his fansites all closed down. The public eventually forgot about him and moved on.

Park Jihoon had disappeared from Kuanlin’s life like he had never existed in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts:
> 
> 1. baby kuanlin stumbling down the steps into jihoon’s arms is a direct parallel of that scene in wanna one go except the roles are reversed  
> 2\. sanha from astro was born in 2000 and chenle from nct dream was born in 2001 like kuanlin :)  
> 3\. jihoon really sucks at cracking eggs (see: jihoon’s meringue video)  
> 4\. i’m still not over how kuanlin just LEAVES when jihoon tried to make him eat the spicy ramyeon sauce packet. i can’t.


	3. You’re Always In My Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to mention that i’m using the british school system, which is like 6 years of primary school (5-11 years old) and then 6 years of high school (12-18 years old) in case anyone is confused!

_“my body moves_  
_goes where i will_  
_but though i try_  
_my heart stays still”_

coldplay

  
  
  
  


It is possible that his conversation with Seonho must have sparked an old memory of Park Jihoon, because now Kuanlin keeps finding himself catching glimpses of that Jihoon look-a-like all around campus. Nearly 2 weeks have passed since Kuanlin went to the party hosted by Daniel and Jaehwan, and although he hasn’t brought it up with Seonho again, Kuanlin is beginning to wonder if he has started to hallucinate.

Perhaps it is merely due to stress and a lack of sleep after mid-terms, Kuanlin hopes.

So many years have passed, and Kuanlin hasn’t thought about Jihoon in such a long time. It’s almost like he was subconsciously avoiding those memories and now that the floodgates have opened, he can’t stop.

He has so many unanswered questions. 

_Where on earth did Park Jihoon go? What happened to him? Does he still remember a boy named Lai Kuanlin?_

He thinks back to the most recent ‘sighting’ (or should he say, hallucination?) of almost-Jihoon. Yesterday afternoon, Kuanlin had seen the other boy leaving a class, hidden amongst a crowd of students. In the daylight, the resemblance was uncanny. Almost-Jihoon was wearing a yellow hoodie with too-long sleeves that seemed to swallow him up. Beautiful eyes fanned by full eyelashes, and soft-looking cheeks with baby-fat still clinging to them. 

In that brief moment, Kuanlin was sure that he was staring straight at 19 year old Jihoon.

Kuanlin doesn’t trust the accuracy of his own childhood memories, however at the age of 19, Jihoon had acted in his first high school drama. It’s one of Kuanlin’s favourite characters that Jihoon has played, and he has re-watched those episodes that Jihoon had appeared in multiple times - so much so that his face is etched into Kuanlin’s brain by now.

At 19, Jihoon still retained a boyish sweetness to his looks. After Jihoon had turned 20, in the subsequent roles that he had acted in, he had begun to appear leaner and sharper. Although, the soft aura he had around him did not disappear.

That was almost 8 years ago. Kuanlin doesn’t know what Jihoon looks like anymore. Kuanlin himself has transformed from a small, shy child, to an awkward, lanky teenager, and then into a charismatic, handsome man. 

_If he and Jihoon crossed paths today, would they even recognise each other?_

Kuanlin would like to believe that they would.

  
  
  
\---  
  
  
  


If Kuanlin had thought a 3-hour lecture on the subject of concrete and it’s holding properties was boring before, then he wasn’t prepared for the complete and utter bleakness that is a 3-hour lecture on the structure of underwater sewage pipes. Sure, it had sounded promising at the start of lesson, until it descended into a mind-numbing mess of piping, electrical wiring, and steel beam diagrams. 

The professor is stressing the importance of operational health and safety up front, and all Kuanlin wants to do is leave before he can do something drastic like fling himself into the sun.

Fortunately, his phone chooses that moment to buzz quietly in his pocket. It informs him that he has a message from ‘Baby Chick Seonho *cheep cheep*’ (a name chosen by Seonho himself when he input his contact details into Kuanlin’s new phone).

A common misconception amongst their friends is that Seonho’s nickname of ‘baby chick’ comes from the fact that he gets hungry so often and is constantly opening his mouth for food, like a baby bird begging for morsels from its mother, hence the name. It’s actually a name that Seonho had given to both himself and Kuanlin at the start of university, when they were fresh, new, high-school graduates who were young and inexperienced like baby hatchlings. 

It’s surprisingly deep and meaningful.

  


**Baby Chick Seonho *cheep cheep*:**  
hey when does your lec finish u wanna grab lunch?? :3

  


It doesn’t change the fact that there is a reason why everyone thinks that it’s because of the first reason.

  


**Me:**  
hell yes ive been waiting for this lesson to end for like 20mins already

im ready for death save me

campus centre food court?

  


**Baby Chick Seonho *cheep cheep*:**  
yes they hav a special on cheese kalbi!!!

CHEESE KALBI IS THE BEST

  


Kuanlin pockets his phone and looks up at the projector screen. It appears that the class is already on slide 44 out of a 46 slide lesson. He had been diligently taking notes up until slide 36, when higher-order calculus got involved and a series of question marks litter his page.

He sighs and watches his professor drone on about ‘i-beams’ versus ‘h-beams’. He’ll probably have to re-watch this lecture online before exam season. 

A quick glance at the clock tells him that it is already 1:47pm. He wonders how long she can drag these 2 slides out until.

  
  
  
\---  
  
  
  


The answer is that those 2 slides take up 10 minutes each because the time is 2:07pm when Kuanlin finally hightails it out of the lecture theatre and makes his way over to the campus centre.

It’s already after 2pm so the food court shouldn’t be too crowded, but it is also early enough that all of the good food should still be available. 

_Seonho would probably cry if they ran out of the cheese kalbi,_ Kuanlin thinks.

Speaking of, where is Seonho anyway? He forgot to text him when his class ended.

  


**Me:**  
class finished im at the food court already

  


It would be a good idea to grab a seat while he’s here. Pausing, Kuanlin cranes his neck and looks around for a free table; most of the tables have been taken up by people who have finished eating but are studying or chatting idly.

  


**Baby Chick Seonho *cheep cheep*:**  
b done soon! jus gotta hand in dis tute worksheet real quick

THEN I CAN LEAVE AND KALBI WILL BE MINE AW YISS

  


Seonho then includes a LINE sticker of an animated chicken crying before a plate of food. Shaking his head, Kuanlin smiles and decides to look for a table near the kalbi outlet. On the way, he passes by the chicken shop, and the rice and noodles store, before stopping dead in his tracks.

There, standing less than 5 metres away and ordering a bulgogi rice burger, is almost-Jihoon. 

Kuanlin halts and allows his eyes to drink in the sight standing in front of him. Park Jihoon has an unforgettable side profile. His eyes, nose, and lips are all unique to him, and in his 19 years of life, Kuanlin has yet to witness anyone with those same exact features. 

Dumbfounded, Kuanlin licks his lips and ventures closer. Tentatively, he tries calling his name in a soft voice.

“Jihoon.”

It only takes a soft whisper but the other boy turns and looks at him. Almost-Jihoon ( _or rather actual-Jihoon? since he had responded to the call_ ) stays silent and looks at him expectantly. He turns his head back to the front dismissively when Kuanlin fails to add anything else.

Emboldened by the response, Kuanlin tries again with more confidence. 

“Jihoon-hyung.”

Jihoon addresses him with an impassive gaze. “Yes? What do you want?”

Kuanlin’s heart is beating wildly within his chest and his hands are shaking. Isn’t this basically a confirmation that this boy before him is his Jihoon?

“Don’t you recognise me?” Kuanlin appeals, hesitantly.

Jihoon gives him a quick once-over. “No. Should I?” responds Jihoon with a stony face.

_Was Jihoon always this cold?_ Kuanlin thinks. Surely not, he has difficulty reconciling this Jihoon with the Jihoon that lives within his childhood memories.

Jihoon continues, “Maybe we share a class together, but I’m not looking to make any friends. You can leave me alone now.” His voice is steely, and his entire aura screams ‘don’t approach me’. He turns back to face the counter and waits for his food.

Back then, Jihoon had always been warm and sweet and open. This is like talking to a stranger wearing Park Jihoon’s face and Kuanlin finds that the contrast is jarring.

_Could he be mistaken?_

He makes one last attempt. 

“It’s Lai Kuanlin."

_That_ gets a reaction. Jihoon snaps his head to the right, and Kuanlin can see the shock decorating his countenance as he looks at Kuanlin's face properly. Staring into Jihoon’s eyes like this, Kuanlin finds himself unexpectedly hit by a wave of longing. 

He can hear Jihoon whisper under his breath, 'Lai Kuanlin’, and hope bubbles up in his chest.

That hope is immediately shut down. Kuanlin can physically see the moment that Jihoon closes himself off and firmly replies, “You must be mistaken. I don’t know anyone like that.”

A split-second of weakness is enough reassurance. The other has revealed an opening and Kuanlin pursues the matter. “Jihoon-hyung. Park Jihoon. It’s really you.” he persists.

Jihoon tries to keep his voice level but Kuanlin can observe his fingers trembling. “That’s not my name. You’ve got the wrong person.”

In silence, Kuanlin stares plaintively at the other boy, and he can tell that Jihoon is uncomfortable and itching to leave. 

When his food is finally ready, he pays and makes a speedy exit. Kuanlin thinks that Jihoon will not acknowledge his presence any further however as he passes by, Jihoon graces him with a final warning.

“Please don’t look for me anymore."

  
  
  
\---  
  
  
  


When Seonho arrives after being released from his tutorial class, he finds Kuanlin sitting in silence, flipping a thin card of plastic in his fingers as he stares off into space.

“Um.” Seonho begins eloquently. “Was your lecture really that soul-suckingly terrible?”

He sits down opposite Kuanlin and sets his food out on the table. The smell of melted cheese wafts up from his plate and takes residence in Kuanlin’s nose.

“I’m sorry I took so long. I always forget how far west off of campus the old psych building is. Like, why are we even having engineering classes in a psychology building? Dude, I don’t get it.” Kuanlin’s dead-eyed-fish stare must be unnerving Seonho slightly because he usually starts rambling when he’s not sure what to say. 

“And then the line for the kalbi shop was _long_ , like seriously long, but it was worth it because I managed to snag limited-time-only double cheese kalbi. Worth it.” Seonho takes a bite of his kalbi and makes a heavenly face. It gets a chuckle out of Kuanlin. 

“Ah, you’re back!” Seonho says jovially around a mouthful of food. “So? What’s up with you, what’s that thing in your hand?”

_Indeed, that is the question of the day._ Kuanlin reflects inwardly. _Just what am I supposed to do with this information?_

He sighs and leans forward, long arms resting on top of the table. “Seonho, do you remember my old babysitter from when I was in primary school?” asks Kuanlin.

“I’ve never met him, but you’ve mentioned him a bunch.” his best friend replies dutifully. “You even told me you had a crush on him at one point.”

“Right,” drawls Kuanlin and places his head in his hands. “I also told you that he started working as an actor when I enrolled into high-school, didn’t I?”

“Yup.” Seonho says, popping the ‘p’ sound at the end of the word. “Although, I haven’t heard any news about him and I’m on all the acting forums. What was his name again?”

Kuanlin adopts a contemplative face and furrows his brow as he says “His name was Park Jihoon, and if he graduated high-school when I was still in elementary school, how old do you think he would be now?"

Bless Seonho for being a great best friend because he doesn’t ask any questions and goes along with Kuanlin’s interrogation. “I don’t know, he’d be like, what, 25? 28?”

“If he’s 8 years older than me, that would make him 27 years old.” Kuanlin supplies.

“Right.” Seonho nods. "So? What does that mean?”

Kuanlin slides the card across the table. “Tell me what this says.”

Seonho picks up the piece of plastic and holds it in his hands. It’s a standard university student I.D card and looks to be in relatively good condition. The photo is of a cute-faced, youthful boy, and the information reads ‘Park Jihoon’ beside ‘Name’ and ‘2003’ under ‘Date of Birth’. 

“I… see.” Seonho ventures unconfidently. He then scrunches up his eyes and admits, “I don’t really understand.”

“This is Park Jihoon’s student card, and it says that he was born in 2003.” Kuanlin explains stoically and takes the card back from Seonho. “And that would imply that he was born 2 years after me, which is incorrect.”

“So doesn’t this just mean that it’s a different Park Jihoon? It’s a really common name in Korea, I know, like, 3 Jihoons in our course.” Seonho rationalises, briefly.

“You don’t understand.” Kuanlin says, holding his head in his hands and glaring down at a crack in the table. “I met him. Just now. And I even talked to him, before he rushed off and dropped this. It was definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, _my_ Jihoon.”

“He must have a perpetual baby-face.” Seonho says appreciatively, he and Kuanlin had outgrown their childlike appearances halfway through high school. "Are you upset because he didn’t tell you that he’s studying here?

Kuanlin breathes deeply and appears resigned. “It’s not that. And I know I sound like I’ve gone insane, but I know what he looked like. I’ve seen what he looked like aged 20, 21, 22 through photos. And I just. He really looks like-” Kuanlin cuts himself off.

“I don’t think you sound insane.” Seonho says comfortingly.

Kuanlin’s own self-awareness informs him that he probably sounds like their mutual acquaintance, Ahn Hyungseob, at the moment; a friend of his course-mate Euiwoong, who latches onto crazy, conspiracy theories and tells them to people during social gatherings. No one takes anything he says seriously when he goes off on one of those tangents. Kuanlin can’t believe that he has become the crazy one.

Kuanlin brings himself closer to the table and drops his voice to a whisper. “He looks like he’s ageing backwards. And that’s crazy, isn’t it? But I know what I saw.” 

At least Seonho’s face holds no judgement and he doesn’t stare at Kuanlin like he’s completely lost his mind. “Well, I think it’ll all make sense eventually.” 

He advises Kuanlin, "Maybe you should talk to him again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts:
> 
> 1\. according to pre-debut fanaccounts, high-school jihoon really loved eating rice burgers alone  
> 2\. remember that one time at a fansign when kuanlin said his favourite facial feature of jihoon were his eyes, nose, and lips BC I NEVER FORGET


	4. Please Don’t Run From Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said last chapter that this chapter would be less angsty but then i wrote it and... it was… like this… i’m sorry

_“i think of you from time to time_  
_more than i thought i would_  
_you were just too kind_  
_and i was too young to know”_

panic! at the disco

  
  
  
  


Kuanlin finds himself stuck holding onto Park Jihoon’s I.D card and slowly driving himself nauseous, figuring out a way of getting into contact with him again. Seonho had suggested that he should talk to Jihoon and get some answers out of him rather than stressing himself out, however those words are a lot easier said than done. 

He had asked around but no one knew of a ‘Park' Jihoon on campus, only a Lee and a Kim. Even social butterfly Lee Daehwi didn’t know of anyone who was familiar with a Park Jihoon. Checking the student records online proved fruitless because he could only acquire a list of students within the same faculty as him, and required higher level permission to view the details of all enrolled students. 

Discouraged, now here he was sitting at his desk trying to get some work done on his assignment but ultimately failing, his attention drawing back to that student card weighing heavily in his wallet. Thinking back, ever since that first encounter with Jihoon the night after the party, he had chanced upon the other boy maybe 4 times in as little weeks. He would just have to be patient and wait for Jihoon to appear before him again. 

Mind somewhat settled, Kuanlin focuses on working on his report again only to realise that he is missing a crucial textbook that the lecturer has assigned to use. It’s one of those books that can’t be found online and needs to be purchased or borrowed from the library. There’s no way Kuanlin is buying a $200 textbook that he’ll likely only use for one citation. Standing up, he packs his laptop into his bag and heads in the direction of the library.

The weather is dreary and the sun is hiding behind overcast clouds. There aren’t any students sitting on the lawn today. Kuanlin picks up the pace and hurries to his destination.

  
  
  
\---  
  
  
  


It’s warmer inside the library than outside, but the unfortunate weather must have persuaded everyone to stay at home, since the building is rather deserted when Kuanlin makes his way over to the computers. A hasty search tells him that the textbook he requires is available on the fourth floor. 

He makes his way up the stairs. The fourth floor is populated by the serious students and individuals who want to be left alone since there is a harsher no-talking rule on that floor than is enforced in the rest of the library. He finds the specified textbook and considers staying on this floor to get some work done, rather than leaving immediately for the comfort of his room. 

Apparently, it was a good decision because as he approaches an empty work station, he spies a certain someone sitting on the floor alone, hidden between 2 shelves. 

There sits Park Jihoon, haloed in the glow of the harsh fluorescent lighting, looking like an apparition summoned out of wishful thinking. 

He has his earphones plugged in and is absorbed in whatever material he is reading, and therefore does not hear Kuanlin when he approaches. Jihoon looks like he is engaged in a productive study session, however upon closer inspection, Kuanlin can see that the other is actually reading a manhwa intently.

Unsurprising really, considering that Jihoon used to always sneakily bring his manhwa collection to school to read undercover. 

“Hey.” Kuanlin decides to make his presence known and squats down beside Jihoon. 

Jihoon glances up dismissively, before doing a double-take when he realises who it is. It was of his own doing but Jihoon had picked a secluded alcove to read in where he wouldn’t be bothered by other people, and now he can’t escape without finding a way of getting past Kuanlin somehow. 

The older boy chooses to ignore Kuanlin and return to his comic, although his ears betray him when they turn lightly pink at the tips.

Kuanlin chooses to ignore the elephant in the room for now, and instead asks Jihoon, “What are you reading?”

Seemingly surprised, Jihoon doesn’t reply and goes back to to his book. 

He has flipped past 5 pages before he says, softly, “It’s an old manhwa. I don’t think they make it anymore."

Kuanlin hums in understanding. “By the way, I have something that I think belongs to you.” He reaches into his pocket and retrieves his wallet, sliding out Jihoon’s I.D card from where it has been sitting behind his own.

Kuanlin holds it in the air between them for Jihoon to reach out and take. When Jihoon grasps it between his fingers and tugs, Kuanlin decides not to let go of the card just yet. 

“You didn’t tell me that you were born in 2003,” he mentions offhandedly, “I suppose that means that I can call you Jihoon, without the _hyung_ , then.”

Jihoon gasps and Kuanlin lets go, letting the boy take back his card.

  
  
  
\---  
  
  
  


Heads buried in their own books, the two sit in companionable silence for almost half an hour before Kuanlin musters up the courage to ask Jihoon what he wants. He licks his lips and lowers the heavy, musty textbook to his lap. 

“What’s going on with you? Why do you look like you did 8 years ago?” 

His voice is a quiet whisper on the deserted library floor, but it carries with it the weight of implications that Jihoon does not want to answer.

Kuanlin pushes, and Jihoon bends and breaks, gathering up his things and pushing past him as he rushes down the stairs. 

Suddenly, the peaceful bubble that they were tentatively resting in is broken and the space that Jihoon was occupying is empty. Once Kuanlin shakes off the shock, he picks himself up and follows quickly. 

Running in the library would certainly put him in the librarian’s bad books, Kuanlin just hopes that they won’t temporarily ban him since he does need to come back for that textbook at some point.

Panting, he makes it to the bottom floor just in time to see a flurry of pink out of the corner of his eye, watching as Jihoon pushes open the doors and runs outside. 

  
  
  
\---  
  
  
  


In the time that they had spent in the library, the sky had begun to pour and Kuanlin feels himself slowly getting drenched as he hurries after Jihoon.

“Jihoon-hyung!” He shouts, voice brittle in the rain. “Hyung, stop! Stop, please! I’m sorry I made you upset.” 

The other boy doesn’t turn back and continues running even though he can hear Kuanlin shouting frantically. 

"Hyung!”

The rain is getting in his eyes and causes him to have to squint against the droplets however he can still make out Jihoon’s figure. An advantage of having long legs is that Kuanlin can sprint fast when he puts his mind to it, even if he is lacking in gracefulness, and he catches up to the shorter boy quickly.

“Jihoon!” he cries out. Closer now, Kuanlin outstretches a hand and grasps onto the other’s wrist, stopping him in his tracks. “I get it, I won’t push you for answers anymore, alright? Just don’t avoid me, please.”

Jihoon looks down at Kuanlin’s hand around his arm. His wet fringe hangs low, darkened from the rain and curtaining his eyes from view. Privately, Jihoon wonders how this giant hand could belong to the little boy he used to look after.

Out loud, Jihoon says, “Let go of me. It would be best if we don’t interact much.”

Kuanlin looks down at Jihoon but the other resolutely refuses to meet his eyes, continuing to stare at their hands. When Kuanlin doesn’t respond or loosen his grip, Jihoon starts trying to tug his hand free.

“Why do you keep avoiding me? Do you hate me now or something?” asks Kuanlin, tightening his grip firmly.

Stubbornly, Jihoon doesn’t reply and pulls harder at his arm. Frowning, Kuanlin cries out in desperation. 

“Tell me why you’re avoiding me!"

Distraught, Jihoon continues to yank at his arm like a cornered animal. He looks up and meets Kuanlin’s eyes when he shouts in his face, hysterically, “Because I avoid everyone!”

In a mix of confusion and shock, Kuanlin’s grip on his wrist weakens. Jihoon doesn’t expect the sudden lack of strength, and when he jerks his arm, it launches up and hits the taller boy in the face, hard. 

“Oh my god! Kuanlin- I- “ Jihoon trips over his words. Guilt-stricken, his face looks torn between wanting to help and taking the opportunity to flee.

They stare at each other wordlessly as it continues to rain.

Jihoon begins to apologise. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

It is unclear if he is referring to the physical or emotional kind of hurt. Both, perhaps.

He continues remorsefully, “Please believe me when I say this. It was- You’re bleeding!” 

Jihoon cuts off his explanation and lifts a finger at Kuanlin’s face. On reflex, Kuanlin’s hands fly up to his face and gingerly pats at nose. His fingers come away red.

“Oh,” he says intelligently. His face is wet with rain and numb from the cold so he hadn’t noticed.

Detachedly, he notes Jihoon breaching into his space and gently pushing his hands away. “Here,” Jihoon says, pushing a piece of cloth into Kuanlin’s hands and guiding them to his nose.

It’s the first time that Kuanlin is seeing Jihoon up-close from this angle. It’s a new concept to be looking down to meet Jihoon’s eyes. Belatedly, he realises that he is _taller_ than Jihoon now. Kuanlin is taller than most people but somehow the pieces hadn’t actually clicked together in his head until now. 

“What are you smiling about?” asks Jihoon curiously. Concerned, he starts patting the back of Kuanlin’s hair. “Did I hit your head too?” 

Kuanlin can’t fight the smile growing on his lips.

  
  
  
\---  
  
  
  


The bathroom in Jihoon’s apartment is small and cramped, and Kuanlin worries that his clothes are slowly beginning to soak the floor with rainwater. Idly, he holds his bloody nose as he watches Jihoon fussing around the place, searching for where he keeps his spare towels. 

After Jihoon had taken him back to his apartment, Kuanlin has since swapped out the cloth he was using to stem the bleeding for a wad of tissues. He had noticed when he was passing the bloodstained piece of cloth back to Jihoon that the other had actually given Kuanlin his neck-scarf to use. Kuanlin had apologised immediately but Jihoon simply waved him off and accepted the cloth from him without disgust, passing the younger boy his tissue box. 

“I’ve found the towels and I’ve also turned on the heater.” Jihoon announces when he returns, holding a stack of plain, white towels. He gestures for Kuanlin to sit down on the edge of his bathtub. “Let me take a look at your nose.” 

Kuanlin sits down obediently and lets the other peer at his face. He watches as a stray drop of water leaves Jihoon’s hair and makes its way down his face, catching on his eyelashes. 

It reminds him of a moment that happened a long time ago in his old bathroom.

_Although, he’s probably not going to get a magical, healing kiss out of it this time._

“I think it’s stopped now, that’s good.” Jihoon murmurs to himself. 

He leans back out of Kuanlin’s space and passes him two of the towels. “Here, you can dry off with these. I’ll also go grab you some dry clothes that might fit. Maybe.” Jihoon looks doubtfully up and down Kuanlin’s figure, and then exits the bathroom, shutting the door behind him with a soft ‘clink’.

Kuanlin strips off his outer jacket, and picks up one of the towels, patting it haphazardly on his neck and arms. Satisfied, he begins to dry his hair with the other, unused one. He’s dragging the material through his hair when he hears Jihoon open the door. There’s a pause as the other sets the clothes on the counter, and then Kuanlin hears the door close again.

Standing up, Kuanlin sets down the used towels in the bathtub, folded neatly, and takes a look at the clothes that Jihoon has chosen for him. Jihoon likes to wear overly-large clothes that drown his smaller frame, and so the jumper and sweatpants that Jihoon has provided fit Kuanlin comfortably. The only issue is the length of the pants but it’s not a huge concern. Jihoon had also been generous enough to pick out black and grey clothes, and a loose pair of clean socks. 

It’s surreal to think that he’s standing inside Park Jihoon’s bathroom, using his towels and wearing his clothes. All this time has passed and Jihoon has stayed the same. From an outsider’s perspective, it’s like they were childhood friends who grew up together and are now attending college together.

_How very strange, it’s almost like a dream._

Shaking his head, Kuanlin bundles up his wet clothes in his hands and checks himself in the mirror before opening the door.

Jihoon is waiting outside in the living area with a plastic bag in his hands. He has changed out of his sodden clothes as well and is now dressed in a simple t-shirt and shorts, hastily dried hair sticking up in various directions. He opens up the bag for Kuanlin to put his used clothes inside.

“It’s stopped raining now, so you should be able to leave.” Jihoon states, walking towards the door. He adds, apologetically, “You’ll probably have to wear your own shoes though, sorry about that.” 

Kuanlin looks at his water-logged shoes. “I’ll manage.” 

He slips on his shoes (they feel gross and heavy, he’ll have to use a hairdryer on them if he plans on salvaging these) and stands awkwardly in the entranceway. Jihoon avoids his eyes and stares past him blankly. Kuanlin doesn’t really know what to do. He knows that he wants to stay and talk but he doesn’t think that Jihoon will let him. 

He clears his throat. “Thanks, hyung. For, you know.” He shrugs and gestures vaguely around himself.

“It’s fine. And I’m sorry too, for, you know.” Jihoon replies with a small smile, nodding his head at Kuanlin’s face. He opens the door for Kuanlin to leave.

Reluctantly, Kuanlin steps out into the hallway and turns around. “I’ll get these back to you sometime?” He motions at the borrowed clothes. Jihoon shakes his head. 

“Keep them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am in love with the idea of kuanlin chasing jihoon and jihoon playing hard to get except this is taking it to new levels omg i’m so sorry
> 
>  
> 
> Fun facts:
> 
> 1\. the other “jihoon"s on campus are lee jihoon, which is seventeen’s woozi, and kim jihoon, which is KNK’s jihun (yo pls stan KNK stan talent)  
> 2\. the manhwa jihoon is reading is called “audition” and is super old. it’s also what he was actually reading in zero base  
> 3\. jihoon’s fake id says 2003, but in this fic he was born 8 years before kuanlin (2001) which _should_ make his real d.o.b 1993 (but you know, it's a ~mystery~ for now)  
>  4\. did you guys see the gif of jihoon patting the back of kuanlin’s head at the fanmeet? A+ content

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! ♥


End file.
